The Things I Can Control

May 11, 2020

Read time: 4 min

Good Morning beautiful people and welcome back to Mindful Monday. 

 

I think I first went head to head about that which I cannot control when I was a teenager and a certain social media app had just been invented circa 2012-ish. Back then it didn't quite have all the features it now flaunts, other than the basic ability to post a picture. Talking to people happened in the comments and not in the DM's and if you were "talking" to someone who you (or they) wanted to keep on the DL then the comments disappeared as quickly as they appeared. The "heart-dropping, hole-in-chest" feeling came when you spotted the same activity happening between someone else and your love interest. Trivial as it is, it was one of the biggest concerns for a teenager/young adult, not being kept in the loop and not knowing if the one whom you've prematurely given your heart is entertaining other admirers. Instinctively, what do we do when there are no answers to be found? You recall! Checking who likes their posts. Neurotic as it seems, it's only natural to search for more information when it's lacking. Before indulging in uncovering the truth, I don't think anyone, including myself, ever queried themselves, "what would I do with this information?" or "what if I didn't find information that could substantially prove anything?" Going down the rabbit hole of trying to find potential proof of social media interaction can be exhausting and never ending. 

 

Unfortunately, it doesn't quite get much better with age or technological improvements. The scenario certainly changes from childish love interests on social media to checking the statuses on nearly any and everything thats digitalized, which is everything. Quite frankly, I never thought I would ever emerge from the uncertainty and anxiety that envelopes the idea of finding love and eventually when I did, the anxiety dissipated. There was no act of social media investigation that bordered on crazy. Why was I worried this whole time? Things falling into place on its own sent a message that would be repeated as I entered into my adulting phase of life. Employment. 

 

Seeking employment for an amateur right out of college is as crazy as trying to find teenage love. For every application submitted, you give a piece of your heart and hope for great things to blossom. Partitioning oneself into pieces probably isn't ideal, but the behavior is so innate, it's difficult to resist. Everyday, the email gets checked dutifully at regular intervals for any updates; when none are present, there's only one thing left to do, check the application status. Never was there a harder time to let go. How could you let go of learned behaviors in an attempt to regain relinquished control? Puzzling as it seems, there was one solution then and it remains the same now, letting go of a situation that cannot be controlled is the only way to regain control of yourself. Regain control of how the day is spent, what personal goals are accomplished, and how much peace fills the mind. Bad news or good, news will certainly come in due time, what truly makes a difference is how grounded and settled you are when you receive the news. It certainly is

easier said than done and most often, realization derives from experience, as I've learned. My fingers remain crossed for good luck, but checking statuses without appropriate notification is simply not my cup of tea going forward. These days I'm busy doing the little things that bring me joy, joy that I would not trade for anxiety. 

 

xoxo,

Chand 

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